Page 21 - voices.may2018

want to know if I am winning and you are
losing.
How is your day going so far? We often hear
when walking up to the counter to order
coffee at 6:30 AM.
How is your year going so far? This is
a new greeting which I learned while
shopping recently, I nearly fell over in
shock. This was not a daily dive on taking
my measure but a deep dive in to the land
of nobody’s business. My lack of response
said, “No we ain’t going there.”
Are you making any money? The banks’
branch manager barked at me, as I was
standing in line waiting for the next teller.
How is your health?
How are your kids doing?
How is your wife, your husband, your partner,
your life?
My mother’s health is not good. No secret.
The folks that I was chatting with knew this. As
they asked me questions, taking my measure
and my inventory, I was honest and up-front
thinking that they really cared. Quickly I learned
they were playing the win-lose game. So, I asked
them how they were doing. They said, “Perfect.”
And with your mother? “Perfect.” OMG. I lost.
We win, you lose. Sounds like a draw to me.
People in conversation find or stumble in
to a crack in our sidewalk. As a conversation
unfolds, people sense that maybe we are a little
vulnerable, that we may have a little owie. Not
good enough.
Here is another set-up. One of our two kids
is doing great. Our daughter recently graduated
from an Ivy League College, Summa Cum
Laude, and earned a Master’s Degree from the
London School
of Economics, and a
Ph.D. in Psychology from
Harvard. But the other
kid, our son, is on booze or
drugs, and people continue
to ask. How is your son doing?
I’m learning that people come across as if
they care, but do they?
Smart people know.
Let’s all make a concerted effort to be
authentic. We become more genuine and sincere
when we do our own consciousness raising.
By asking ourselves, why am I asking these
questions?
One needs to develop the filter to know, if
their measure is being taken. Is there a smattering
of compliments for the wins? Or is the other
person using main stream conversation to widen
the cracks in the sidewalk?
Et voilà. When I am in Paris, this is where
the sidewalk ends for me. I can let my defenses
down. I embrace my child ego state, the playful
ego state.
Yes, my defenses are down. Childlike.
How do I know that it is different for me when
I’m in Paris?
I dream nearly every night.
As kids, as children, we all remember, we
VOICES! | MAY, 2018 21