Page 38 - Voices-2021-05
P. 38

QUARTER NOTE








      All Eyes on Me? Really?




      David Freedman, IP3








      I was taught to be self conscious about my  experience.

      appearance from an early age, but not always               In both cases of being self-conscious, you have
      in positive ways.                                       to deal with that yawning pit in your stomach that
          Growing up as I did with an extremely rare  keeps telling you, “What the heck do you think
      neurological disorder called Moebius syndrome,  you’re doing out here?” Or maybe it’s more along

      people did look at me, but it was always tinged  the lines of, “How do I deal with these people
      with a number of different reactions. Curiosity,  who are staring at me?” In neither instance is
      perhaps, but more often than not there would  this a comfortable feeling to deal with. Even after
      be the pitiful glance, or those people who would  nearly five decades of performing and longer

      think that my bilateral facial paralysis amounted  than that of living with a physical disability, that
      to nothing more than a form of Downs syndrome  feeling of self-consciousness never entirely goes
      or Cerebral Palsy. I would be treated as such  away. Sometimes the best I could hope to strive
      by people who were ignorant to my condition.  for was a balance of, okay, I will get through

      Even if I tried (very patiently) to explain what I  this day by ignoring some of the more negative
      had and how it affected me, many times I’d deal  aspects of my life while focusing on what positive
      with outright ignorance or condescension from  experiences occur throughout the course of the
      them, especially in my younger years. Needless  day. And sometimes that worked. More often

      to say, these experiences did not translate well  than not, though, there were days, weeks, or
      into bolstering my self-confidence.                     months when it felt like I was undergoing the
          On the opposite end of the spectrum was  death of a thousand cuts where I couldn’t catch
      my love of performing. From a very young  a break from anyone because I was so focused

      age to the present day, performing has always  on how people reacted to my facial paralysis.
      been in my blood. I simply love being on stage,            It wasn’t really until my early forties when I
      particularly as a singer, actor, and more recently  realized what should have been obvious when
      as a public speaker. Performing as a member  I was younger, but I think it took that length of

      of a choir or play emboldened me, but being  time before my own wisdom could catch up
      onstage as a soloist would terrify me for many  to my physical age. Namely, I discovered that
      years until I gained enough perspective to master  really, it wasn’t always about me. How people
      my fears and realize that nervousness on stage  perceived me, whether positively or not, was

      is a perfectly natural part of the performing  not necessarily a reflection of who I was in that




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