Page 12 - February 2021 Voices
P. 12
PJ’s PERSPECTIVE
Read Between the Lines
PJ Kleffner, DTM - District Director
We have all heard the expression Read between him look for it, I asked, “Where did you lose
the lines. Have you thought about how it applies it?” When I saw his quizzical look, I assumed he
to us as Toastmasters? We strive to improve our didn’t hear and repeated my question (points to
communication skills, and reading between the me for recognizing his body language). However,
lines is a major part of doing that. Allow me to he still looked confused, so I repeated the words
elaborate a bit, and then give you three examples. again, slowly, and thought about what I was
At the most basic level, communication asking: “Where did you lose it?” Suddenly it hit
requires two things to happen: 1) a message is me and I said, “Oh, if you knew where you lost
transmitted, and 2) the message is received. it, it wouldn’t be lost, right?” He gave me a big
If no one is listening or no one hears you, grin, and said “Yes.” I then followed up with a
no communication has occurred. You are more productive question, “Where were you
simply talking to yourself. However, for the when you last had it?” The lesson I learned from
communication to be effective, the person who that exchange was to never assume that the other
receives it must also understand the message. We party has received and understood your message.
learn to be active listeners in Toastmasters, which Pay attention to body language. Ask questions
means that we not only listen to the words, we to confirm that they understood, or ask them to
listen to understand the meaning of the message. paraphrase back what they think you said.
To do this, we must consider many other factors, My second example comes from a co-worker
such as context, body language, tone, and even and involves a basic understanding of human
who the speaker is. If your boss and a co-worker relations and empathy, or lack thereof. It
gave you a similar suggestion, I’m guessing you was the 1970s and we worked in a very male-
might give the suggestion more weight coming dominated organization. One day as I walked
from your boss than compared to a co-worker. past our secretary’s desk, I noticed that she was
All of these factors help us read between the lines. muttering to herself and slamming her desk
I have three examples of communications that drawer. When I asked what was wrong, she told
weren’t very effective—for different reasons. The me about a conversation she just had with our
first one is when we forget how literal children co-worker, Ron. He was walking past her desk,
are. One day I was leaving my parents’ house and he suddenly stopped and asked, “Judie, have
and saw my young nephew outside on the verge you lost weight?” Beaming with pride, she said,
of tears. When I asked if something was wrong, ”Yes, thank you for noticing.” He said, “How
he said he lost a quarter. Thinking I would help much did you lose?” She replied “40 pounds”. At
12 ONE COMMUNITY
