Page 17 - April 2021 Voices
P. 17
The problem you are experiencing is your own. The
best way to address this is to take ownership of
your feelings. . .
1. State the problem. Maybe your housemate • Be pleasant. As much as possible, speak
leaves the back door open as he’s loading with a friendly tone of voice. You want to
his car. be assertive, but you don’t want to start
2. State your feelings. “I’m afraid a neighbor- a fight.
hood cat may enter the house through the • Remain calm. A rational person is
open door and eat my hamster.” generally more convincing than an
3. Specify a solution. “You might help allay irrationally emotional person. Calmness
my fears by keeping the back door closed also runs a lower risk of offending the
except when you’re actively walking other party.
through it. If you have luggage in your What happens if the other person resists?
hands, you can drop the luggage, close the Maybe he’s stubborn or thinks you’re off your
door, then pick up your luggage to load rocker. If so, keep delivering the message until
it into your car. An even better solution it’s received, maintain your composure, and keep
may be to warn me that you’re going to be following all the steps I detailed earlier until
walking frequently in and out through the you’ve overcome the other party’s resistance.
door so I can guard the entrance against Remember that the quiet rays of the sun’s
animals.” brilliant light are more effective at motivating
4. Describe the consequences of inaction. If a man to remove his coat than a loud, blustery
we don’t watch the back door, a cat, dog, wind.
or maybe even a raccoon may enter the When working with another person, conflict
house. is inevitable. Working with another person will
cause stress—working alone will cause stress. This
Some Tips When Stressed stress doesn’t need to overwhelm you, though. By
• Speak up immediately. Don’t let the following the advice detailed above and learning
tension simmer until it explodes. Your how to be assertive, you can reduce this stress
stress level will go down, and you’ll be for both yourself and others.
more productive.
• Be direct. State the specific problem
and what the other person can do to
remedy it.
VOICES! | APRIL 2021 17
