Page 20 - January 2021 Voices

FIELD NOTES

How to Receive Compliments with Emotional Intelligence

Tracey Adams, PhD - Emotional Intelligence Expert

This article is an excerpt from Dr. Adams December 13, 2020 podcast and is reprinted by permission

Let’s talk about how an emotionally intelligent come into your psyche. So someone gives me a

person would receive compliments. I’ve been compliment. Someone might say, “Oh, Tracey,
thinking about this a lot, since we just finished you look great in that sweater. That’s such a great
the holiday season of gift giving and being with sweater.” I might deflect that compliment because
each other—even if it’s only on Zoom. I want to I can’t take it in. And I might say something like,

share my journey of noticing and naming my “Oh, this old thing? I got it at Target.” I pull the
ability to receive compliments. focus of the compliment away from myself and
As an emotional intelligence expert, I talk a make it about a purchase I made at Target. That’s
lot in my courses about how the brain takes in phase one. That’s someone who finds it really

information. And when input comes in, your hard to take compliments.
brain needs to make sense of it all. We have I used to be like that.
thoughts, we have feelings, and we have impulses. I moved to the second
And those are usually swirling around together phase. I stayed

but we don’t often manage them well. That’s in it for years.
where the crux of emotional intelligence lives Someone would
for us. When a compliment comes in, your brain say, “Tracey,
automatically thinks you’re being judged. you look so great

For a lot of us, it’s not a natural practice to in that sweater.”
know how to receive compliments. I want to I would say,
give you some tools so that you can receive “Thank you.”
compliments better. Now, I want to veer off just That’s it.

in a moment and talk about a model I teach Thank you. No
in one of my courses called Don’t Get Jaded. J.A.D.E.D, no
When someone’s coming at you with something, justifying, no explaining,
say a request or they’re questioning you about no apologizing, no

something, I always say don’t get jaded—which deflecting, I just said thank
is don’t Justify, don’t Apologize, don’t Defend, you. So for those of you who
don’t Explain, or don’t Deflect. Deflecting is have a hard time with compliments, just say
the biggest point of where compliments can thank you. Part of Emotional Intelligence work

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