Page 36 - voices.may2018

FIELD NOTES

FUTURE STARS
The Elimination

of Fear

Zayan Akmal

I sat tall at the seven-foot-long Steinway & Sons
grand piano, it’s black and white keys familiar,

yet new at the same time.
I felt the audience hold their breath.
I felt them watching my every movement.
The silence was deafening. I have learned: I am always picked to play first.

So I began to play. I came to my first recital, and after everyone
Do you ever see images in your mind from had sat in the rows of chairs in the living room,
memories long past that are so vivid, you can Linda came to the front and said, “So who wants
describe every minute detail of it? No matter to go first?” Nobody raised their hand—because

how long ago it was? I mean—who wants to go first, right?
October 30th, 2016, was that day. The day The only times when I would want to go first
that I not only performed in a piano recital, but in something are eating and sleeping—only two.
more importantly, the day that fear let go of me. So this is when the selection begins. She starts

When my piano teacher, Linda (who is a very nice staring at each of us. This is when I made my first
person) hosts a recital, she has all of her students mistake. I was looking at her, waiting for her to
come to her home and play one or two selections pick someone, and then our eyes met.
from memory. After everyone is done playing And I knew it was all over. “Zayan, come up and

their pieces, we enter the kitchen and have a play your piece for us!” So I nervously got up
potluck dinner where we can do anything from there and played through the piece.
talking about music to complaining about school. Then came the time for my next recital. Linda
Sounds fun, right? still seemed nice (although I was reconsidering

No you’re wrong! To have to play a piece in my position on that based on what happened the
front of people who are older and have so much last time). Everyone sat in those rows of chairs.
more experience than me, what are you talking Once again, Linda came to the front and said,
about “sounds fun”? I was afraid of that. But I was “Who wants to go first?”

able to get over this fear on that day, because I When nobody raised their hand, I knew how
had experience, confidence, and belief. the game was played. I knew I wasn’t supposed
This was not my first rodeo, okay? I’ve been to to make eye contact, so what I did was I looked
a lot of these recitals, and there is something that straight at the ground. I looked at my shoes as if

36 ONE COMMUNITY