Page 40 - Voices November 2016

TELL ME A STORY

We’re All A Little Weird

by Heather Augello, CC

Heather Augello is the 2016 District 7 Toastmasters Humorous Speech
Champion. Her winning speech, We’re All a Little Weird, can also be viewed
on Youtube at https://youtu.be/COQkawJJO8M
“This stupid, wagon wheel, Roy Rogers, to think about it,” and I turned to walk away and
garage sale coffee table!” That’s my favorite line that’s when he leapt to his feet. He put his arm
from the movie When Harry Met Sally. It’s the around my shoulders and pulled me in tight.
moment their two best friends, Marie and Jess, He made me squat down as he pointed to the
are moving in together and Jess is desperately painting. He said, “I need you to take a good
trying to keep look at him, I mean really look at him, the
his wagon wheel man behind all the make-up, that’s a really
coffee table. He good looking guy in there.” And he was. Sold!
just wants to I wrapped it up, took it home, and I hung it
know “What’s so on the wall behind my toilet.
awful about it?” And just so you know, a few months later
And Marie tells I found out that that was actually one of
him “that it’s so Barnum and Bailey’s most famous circus
awful there are clowns and he was
no words to even a good-looking
describe how guy behind it all.
awful it is.” Purchase vindicated!
Toastmasters, My next item was
guests, if you have a tiny Snapchat from
ever cohabitated 1964. I envisioned
with someone it was taken on a
you know this “Our eyes locked” Sunday morning
scene. It’s the because the young
moment your lady’s beehive hairdo
stomach sinks when you realize that now was still coiffed, just
two people have a say in what stays and a little smooshed
what goes. . .and all of your stuff is on the in back. She was
chopping block. wearing cat-eyed
When I moved in with my husband I “With a horrified look on her face” glasses and a ratty
didn’t have one proverbial wagon wheel bathrobe. She was
coffee table I had three. sitting on the toilet
The first was my beloved clown painting. I saw doing a crossword puzzle staring up at the
him at the swap meet, with his shock of red hair camera with a horrified look of surprise.
and lopsided grin. Our eyes locked! I knew he When I saw her on the table at the flea market
had to be mine. I asked the vendor how much. our eyes locked! And my heart broke. I knew
He said, “well it’s a signed oil painting so I’m she had to be mine. So I brought it up to the
gonna need 20 bucks.” I said, “20 bucks for this vendor and I asked how much. The vendor took
thing? His mouth is crooked!” And then he tried the snapshot from me. She looked at it, then up
to convince me that the frame wasworth at least and me, and flicked it in my face. She yelled,
that much. I said, “I don’t know I’m gonna have “Why you want this?” I was really taken aback,

40 VOLUME 3 ISSUE 5 NOVEMBER, 2016 VOLUME 3 ISSUE 5 NOVEMBER, 2016